I always thought I craved food…. lots of food… fatty foods… chocolaty foods…. salty foods… sugary foods and load and loads of it! Now I don’t give in (as often) to these crazy binge-urges I found out what I reaaly am craving: LOVE. I need to feel loved since I do not love myself (work in progress) and I search for it in stupid ways… I crave love so badly lately I have been being stupid and kind of sleeping around with guys that don’t give a f*ck (ironically;))… The thing is, I was hugely in love with a guy that did not care about me… but because I craved his love so much I searched for it by other men… which ofcourse I did not find, it only makes me feel more miserable! It’s like my crave for food is replaced for craving love… which I do not get any of in the moment since I look in the wrong places… I realise I need to stop this since it is only making me lose my selfrespect…

Ofcourse I DO have lovely friends and family but the thing is I do not always dare to open up to them as I am embarrased of the screwed up feelings I have most of the times and I do not want to be negative. So instead of sharing my pain I put on a mask, a mask of the happy energetic me, when I feel like I am dying inside of heartache and loneliness.. I came to realise I never really dealt with my emotions. I always tried avoiding  and numbing them by eating, binging, purging.. Now my emotions are coming back due to the fact I do not hide in binging anymore I am feeling SOOO overwelmed… I could cry everyday but instead I almost always choose to hide in other things like binge drinking… this is NOT THE WAY TO GO… I just need to cry… even if it means I will be crying for a week, I need to deal with my emotions in order to recover, no more hiding… "The only way out is trough"