OUCH!!!! just got humiliated big time on a TO intimate level… I should not get people to take advantage of me, to hurt me beyond believe… Cause that is exactly what happened… I was in love, stupid me…. He was mr. wrong and I knew it… I could not handle my feelings since he only made me feel insecure but still I would go to any length to be with him… And then he just ignored me…. Only yesterday had the courage to ask what happened… he HATED my insecurity… well, obviously such comments are not going to improve this… you stupid ass!

If only you knew:
How I really feel inside..
How damn hard I am figting to gain some self respect..
How damn hard I am fighting to not let myself slip away ones again..
How damn hard it is for me accepting my body, let alone love it or be proud, enjoying and sharing it…
How damn hard I am fighting against the urge to hide for the big bad ugly world…
How much harder you are making it to achieve my goals right now and not to relapse..

I wish it never ever happened, this bruises my already bruised ego… I feel alone, angry, sad and rejected…

But at least I FEEL… I did choose for not binging…. I am almost 2 weeks free of ED habits! I am proud of this and I will keep going no matter what life is throwing at me…. This is a test, I will pass…

I still believeI will find love some time, true love, respectful love… but the love I have to work on right now is self love… as the relationship with myself will last forever. If I do not accept and love myself how can I expect others to do so?

That doesn’t mean I am not hurting… cause I am… badly…